Am I missing something here?

I honestly do try to be open-minded. But if there is one thing that I just cannot abhor, it is the genre of music known as Hip-Hop, or more specifically, "Gansta Rap". Even though I'm told whenever I turn down another Hollywood blockbuster or animated Disney/Pixar film with a smirk, that I'm stuck-up, and too closed-minded to just enjoy films as they are meant to be enjoyed, I protest! This is not the case! I have watched plenty of Hollywood blockbusters and animated Disney/Pixar films. I even paid to see 2012 at the cinema. Granted, I have regretted that ever since, but I do still enjoy these type of films occasionally. Okay, very rarely. But the point of the matter is, that they really don't have much variation. There's some invasion, there's some adventure, there's a big battle of some kind, the good guys (almost always America) save the day, hooray! The end. And I refer to the wise old saying: "If you've seen one, you've seen em all".

Likewise, I have heard enough Hip-Hop to make a generalised and frank decision that it is fucking awful. I'm not particularly aware of the intricacies of different sub-genres here. It's all just Hip-Hop to me, one way or the other. Just like Death Metal, Symphonic Metal, Gothic Metal, Industrial and a bunch of others would all just be Metal to someone who dislikes Metal. So wherever my real hatred may lie in this instance; Hip-Hop, Gangsta Rap, R&B, whatever, I'm just going to refer to it as Hip-Hop to simplify things. To be honest, I have reservations about using the term Gangsta-Rap as it sounds ridiculous. Kind of like Chef-Rock or Librarian-Pop.

I usually try to come up with a logical conclusion as to why people like the things that they do, but when it comes to Hip-Hop, I am at a loss. The reason that this subject has come to my mind is that the fashion designer whom I work for, is quite a fan of the said genre. So much so, that today was dedicated almost entirely to it. At one point he apologised (albeit somewhat jokingly) for the profuse swearing that was to follow in the song that was playing. Now, I don't have any problem with swearing. I swear a lot myself. But when its included in music or writing, it should have a place. And it just didn't. Fuck, cunt, and the word I hate the most, Nigger; all repeated, on a loop, verse after verse, with no discernible narrative behind the swearing. When you feel the need to apologise to two people in their 20s for swearing in a song, however jestingly, there's probably something lacking in the song besides basic literacy.

As far as I can grasp, the back-story of a Hip-Hop song seems to be something like this:

There is a pimp, or some sort of gang member, who is usually the male vocalist (aka rapper), whose monologue includes one or all of the following: Driving a Hummer or other such pimped-out tractor; Rollin' up to the club (which seems to be more important than actually being at the club, so much so that certain Hip-Hop songs focus entirely on reliving this wonderful experience of arriving at the club, in a Hummer, through every chorus); Having some sort of bitch, or otherwise incredibly attractively named hooker, who often has sex with the lead vocalist; which leads on to Sex, which happens frequently, and graphically (my favourite line in this field today was "sliding down my pole like a certified stripper" - everyone can relax, romance is clearly still going strong); Tits, pussy, and other such references to naked women; Drugs, and if they can somehow be snorted from a stripper's back as the rapper fucks her, bonus points for artistic license and ticking all the boxes on the Hip-Hop check list.

If a woman is involved in the song, she seems to either perpetuate the sexist egocentricity of the male vocalist by wailing along in the background and occasionally saying something along the lines of "yeah baby", which must be applauded for sheer ingenuity. When female Hip-Hop vocalists aren't living up to their assigned gender-roles, they are completely reversing them, as in the case of Nicki Minaj, who sings about shitting on people. It seems that there is no end to the aesthetic achievements of this wonderful genre.

The really disheartening part of Hip-Hop, is that the artists seem to put so much time, and so much energy into channeling their talent, that all of it is spent on the vocals. The music seems to be rather irrelevant. At least, I'm assuming that it's irrelevant, because it appears to me that Hip-Hop artists complete the vocals, and then just press whichever button on the keyboard will play a simplistic, monotonous "bum-tsh, bum-tsh, bum-tsh", with a fitting bpm. After the first verse of any given track is over, I already feel as though the track has been repeated far too many times than should be allowed and have the urge to either switch it off violently, or begin stabbing myself in the ears with a pen in time with the never-ending "bum-tsh"!

I think I have justified my opinion enough to pose my initial question once more: why on earth do people actually like this drivel? Why would anyone want to listen to song after song detailing the lives of a pimp and his hookers? It is repetitive, offensive, mindless diarrhoea that almost everyone seems to take a liking to except me. It's even played in gay bars, which is about as confusing as a gay Christian. I was under the impression that the gay scene was supposed to be about expressing equality and individuality. And yet look; everyone is dancing to the song about that poor hooker who is objectified and abused by her pimp. It almost creates a black hole of sheer paradoxical confusion in my mind, which is further intensified by the fact that Hip-Hop fans are under the impression that these people possess actual talent.

I don't usually have any real desire to discuss musical taste. I like what I like, you like what you like, it really doesn't need questioning. Unless we work in the same office where music is played all day at your discretion. And when forced to listen to Hip-Hop for 6 hours a day, it's funny how all of a sudden I do find myself questioning why people listen to fucking Hip-Hop! I can go so far as to admit that there is some level of skill involved in rapping, sometimes, on rare occasions (like when the songs actually have a subject matter beyond fucking or rollin' up to a club). But the majority of the time, it's a string of words put together at random, a few made-up words thrown in to make sure it rhymes, a female solo to make sure the picture of sexist idiocy is well and truly reinforced, a load of imagery to really project the perfectly avaricious pimp lifestyle, certain words or phrases repeated over and over again to give it some length, along with a bunch of swearing to make it suitably intimidating, or rebellious, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Have I just about got the gist of it?

P.S. I'm pretty sure Hip-Hop was invented in America, so thanks once again America. You are a country that just keeps on giving.

Where the Wild Things Are

I feel that I am definitely part of a majority in saying that as a teenager, one of my favourite film genres was the horror slasher. And it's probably no surprise to anyone to say that I grew out of it. I don't know exactly when it was that my opinion changed. But as it stands, horror films are now only surpassed on my hate-list by the nauseating and ever-worsening RomCom. So why the change?

I have mentioned before my vehement dislike of all things sequel and franchise related for the most part (there are exceptions). This crutch of the mainstream film industry flourishes in the horror genre, perhaps more than any other (Halloween 1 to 7,860 for example), even more so now with the discovery of Hollywood's latest obsession: 3D. What is on offer now seems to be countless 70s/80s/90s horror film franchises rising from the dead (pun intended), and bringing out a new installment or a remake, in "ground-breaking" Hollywood 3D. Halloween I've mentioned, along with Scream and the other classic slashers, coming back with worthwhile to add to franchises long dead. Even in a genre famous for bringing dead things back to life, "sometimes dead is better".

To focus on specifics for a second, the use of the word "horror" is a pet peeve of mine, since modern horror films rarely fit the definition of this word in being frightening in the slightest. In all honesty, they don't even try. I'm pretty sure the scariest part of Scream 4 will be watching Courtney Cox try to move her face. The term slasher is generally much more applicable.

When the genre itself is little different to the satire which spawns from it, there is clearly something off point. Scary Movie from example, is a "piss-take" as it were, of these films, but the dumb American girls in skimpy outfits being killed in showers or swimming pools, the telephone calls by faux-threatening voices, the chases and the comic screaming, the blatant stupidity, are present in both; the originals, and the satires. So what constitutes a horror film any more? They seem to be, for the most part, comedies with fake blood and a spooky soundtrack.

Despite my general avoidance of this genre nowadays, occasionally I do stumble across films which remind me what it was that I liked about them in the first place. The opinion of horror mocumentaries seems to be greatly polarised, but I have always been quite a fan of them. Granted, I was only about 12 years old when I saw The Blair Witch Project for the first time, but I loved it then, and I still appreciate it now. It was the first film that I genuinely considered frightening: So far removed from the over production and absurdity of Hollywood blockbusters. And any film that can actually fool Americans into believing it really did happen deserves some level of respect.

As happens with practically everything, this gimmick spawned many more films of the same mould, and it's hard to deny that it has been a little overdone in recent years. Paranormal Activity has got to be the apex of atrocious horror mocumentaries (and yet predictably, they are making sequel after sequel). They are growing in popularity, but at the same time, the originality is declining (Paranormal Activity just felt like a rehashed version of The St. Francisville Experiment), and they are becoming increasingly indistinguishable.

Troljegeren (Troll Hunter) is Norway's take on this growing obsession with horror film mocumentaries, and it avoids the trap of banality that so many American takes fell into. It employs Nordic folklore to intense advantages, perhaps most importantly because it doesn't take itself, or the legends, too seriously. And above all else, it injects a burst of originality into a sub-genre very much in need of it.

The film follows a group of young documentary makers who take it upon themselves to get to the bottom of a number of mysterious bear-killings by following one "Troll Hunter", Hans. Despite his insistence that they leave him alone, they follow him into a forest in the middle of the night and stand around chatting and laughing, until some distant rumbling, flashes of light, and shaking of the earth, followed by Hans reappearing and screaming "TROLL!" quickly transports us into a chase through the woods, thus beginning the film's intensity in earnest.

Despite at first being opposed to their filming, Hans gives in to their pursuit, and eventually explains what he is doing (but not before a full sized Troll is introduced to us). Now I am completely unaware of such matters, but according to numerous film websites Troll Hunter is very concordant with traditional Norwegian Troll myths, and a whole display of weird and abstract theories are presented to us, such as the Trolls being able to smell the blood of a Christian, which I found extremely amusing. Hans also informs the film makers of the various "breeds" of Troll, and the film certainly doesn't hold anything back in displaying them all.

Troll Hunter is unceasing in its silliness and bizarre humour, and thus avoids the pretension that is the downfall of so many mocumentaries. It doesn't try too hard, or take itself seriously, and has major what-the-fuck factor. All this things combined mean that it is incredibly entertaining. But behind this guise, the film still manages to be relevant and important: Hans eventually informs the film-makers that he is employed by the government to kill, and cover up, the existence of the Trolls, and various other government employees enter the narrative with much less friendly attitudes. The theory of governmental cover-ups is one that I find particularly applicable given the rising popularity in conspiracy theories and governmental deceit.

As with all these films based around the idea of found-footage, Troll Hunter ends ambiguously, with the film-makers being chased by the government employees and the camera falling to the ground. And it leaves you agreeably entertained, as well as raising some questions about modern society. Simply, it is what a horror film should be.

It seems then, that Norway is quickly replacing America as the leader in modern horror. On par with Let The Right One In, this is the second case in the argument that Norwegian horror outstrips American slashers by a long way, not only in terms of plot, but in production, cinematography, and the characters themselves. In essence, Norway puts America to shame for a second time, and now I decisively endeavour to watch Rare Exports and make it three.

A Questioning of Leadership

The past few months, and more specifically weeks, has seen Britain, along with many other parts of the world, reaching an increasingly concerning state of affairs. Concerning, but oddly exhilarating in the anticipation of something boiling over, with more than one person mentioning to me in a not-so-jokingly manner that the apocalypse is near. With the Tory government attacking the underprivileged yet again, this time in the shape of the education system; The police proving themselves to be shockingly brutal in their reaction to both violent and non-violent protesters alike; The US Embassy cables, the release of the Afghan and Iraq War logs, and the arrest of Julian Assange. These events can only lead me to question where our freedom of information has gone (or ever was)? Where has our sense of justice gone? Where are our leaders?

Well they are supporting themselves of course, in the only way they know possible. By supporting the banks who rob us. And supporting the interests of oil companies, the uber-rich, the bourgeoisie, the aristocracy. They are not supporting the people who gave them their positions, and they are not supporting the beliefs and the foundations that their countries are built upon. Beliefs such as freedom of speech and information. WikiLeaks is chipping away at the wall that our leaders have built between themselves and us. It is providing us with some hard information that we so rightly deserve. Information that is not pretty, and is not positive in any sense of the word, other than that it is enlightening, and that it is truthful; an attribute that our governments are moving further and further away from. But it isn't enough. It has not reached the core of secrecy that our governments will do anything to keep from us. But if the leaders have their way it never will, because the tip of the iceberg that WikiLeaks has unveiled will only ever remain the tip.

Hillary Clinton can stand self-righteously behind her podium and tell the world that WikiLeaks is threatening national security, and undermining America's efforts to forge relationships with other countries in order to help them solve their problems. Because those efforts are not without ulterior motives. And who is more aware of this than the US Secretary of State? I can't say that I would behave differently were I put in her position, given the already unstable reputation America has for international relations, and with the weight of so many secrets on her shoulders ready to slip through the net and onto WikiLeaks. Solve the problems of other countries you say? Or solve the problem of decreasing resources in America and appease the companies who pull the strings of the White House?

And it is not surprising to learn of the lengths that America is going to in order to see Assange disappear: Accused of treason (may I remind you that Assange is Australian and that you are not the rulers of the world, no matter what your imaginary friends tell you); Calls for him to be assassinated by US Special Forces (subtlety was never their strong point); Declared a transnational threat (because America are the pinnacle of stability); And of course that incontinent, illiterate cow Sarah Palin has likened him to Osama Bin Laden (but like anyone takes her seriously). These melodramatic sentiments however, can only be expected from a country as backward, as immoral, as shameless and megalomaniacal as the United States of (Corruption) America. Perhaps the White House is experiencing some trepidation at the possibility of it becoming clear that the Obama Administration bares little difference to the last under Bush, and that the not-so-White House may soon become painted with blood.

But let me stop for a second and view with some perspective the increased use of the word apocalypse in recent conversations. The tripling of tuition fees in England means that for millions of underprivileged children, a university education would no longer be an option. Public unrest increases. George Osborne proves that he... twisted his promises shall we say, regarding the actions to be taken against the banks. Public frustration increases. Images are released of police kettling protesters around parliament until 11pm, using unnessary and unjustified force, and potentially putting the lives of peaceful protesters at risk. Public disillusionment increases. Footage comes to light of disabled reporter Jody McIntyre being tipped out of his wheelchair by police and dragged along the street, to the anger and helplessness of those around him who, if they were to step forward, would be beaten to the ground. And the BBC continue to tell us that the students are the real thugs. Public outrage increases. And now Julian Assange faces further imprisonment with the announcement that Sweden are set to challenge bail, all because he had the resolve to expose the crimes that our governments are committing behind closed doors and guarded fences.

And that's not to mention all the national disasters that seem to be on the rise because of global warming. Would these events be occuring in the "free world" that Hillary and Obama are supposedly fighting for? Would they take place in the "big society" that the Conservatives laid out in their manifesto, or the world that Nick Clegg so charismatically promised? Or would they take place in the world of Orwell, of Huxley, and of Mieville?

We are living in an increasingly frightening and unsettling world when our police forces, put there to protect us, are the ones beating us down into the pavement. Where women are whipped in public for wearing trousers. Where our governments are the puppets of capitalist corporations and no longer work in the people's interests. When you don't need a valid reason to start a war, and when people like David Kelly are assassinated for pointing this out. If the powers that be have their way, Julian Assange will be extradited to Sweden, and from there to america, where he will be "disposed of accordingly". The only positive outlook that I can take in the event that such circumstances come to pass, is that this be the final straw necessary to break the camel's back, and lead the people to... act accordingly. But if this is the direction that this country is travelling, I suggest changing the name at the top of the new 300m tall pyramidal structure in central London from "Shard" to "Ministry of Truth" and blacking out all the windows, because it is clear that the country's leaders are employed in deceit, amongst other things.